| Despite my apparent bravery and noted eloquence on the topic of my mental illness, statistics like these make me want to crawl back into a deep, dark hole and pretend I've never heard of it. In fact, I almost didn't share this infographic* for that very reason. Reasonably speaking, this makes no sense, given that my previous posts have already shredded the bag from whence the cat came. And given that the whole point of this blog is to refuse to keep my illness in the dark regardless of how it is perceived, I have so far past regard for what future employers or clients might think of all this, that one more statistic shouldn't make a difference. But none of that stopped the anxiety from rising within as I read this infographic and the brief accompanying article (I mean, ketamine, really? Isn't that a horse tranquilizer?) and imagined what prospective clients and future anyone's will think of me. Over two months of missed work. Three times more likely to get diabetes. How much lost in annual productivity because of poor workplace performance? No wonder it isn't legal to ask about someone's health before you hire them. Meanwhile, here I am putting it all out there for anyone to see. What the hell was I thinking?! Oh right. I was thinking, no one judges someone who has a physical handicap, develops cancer, has M.S., or gets sick or disabled in pretty much any other way. I was thinking, mental illness kills many more people than is entirely necessary due to a lack of understanding and poor education on the topic. I was thinking, it isn't fair that so many people, not to mention children and teenagers, suffer in silence because they are afraid to be judged, made fun of, or looked down upon. I was thinking, sure it will be hard, but someone has to say it and I'm not doing much else, so it might as well be me. So, here I am. Many of these statistics apply to me, but I am not only a statistic. And if you take the time to read what I write and think about what it is that I'm doing here, I am sure you will see that it (and I) have great value. *If you can't read the infographic, click on it and you will be brought to the original article. 
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The thing about depression is, even when you know it's coming, it always catches you by surprise. When I'm on the updraft, it's hard to believe I ever had a good reason for feeling so bad or being so useless. I convince myself that I was dramatic and selfish, that I blew it out of proportion. What could possibly be so bad to make me so lifeless? 
Vincent van Gogh "At Eternity's Gate"
And then it hits me again. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere and sometimes it's a slow spiral, a circling of the drain. But always, it's a shock to my system, to my life. It shuts everything down, a giant rock covered in gorilla glue and shoved into the gears. There's nothing glamorous, relaxing, or fun about staying curled up on the couch or in bed day after day trying to imagine that tomorrow will be better. Everything suffers, friendships, relationships, my marriage, my dogs, my health, my finances, and my mental health just deteriorates. I don't write; I don't talk; I don't bathe. I go to counseling, make sure we have milk, bread, and cereal, and come home. Otherwise, I haven't been outside in two weeks. There's nothing anyone can do. Talking about it makes me feel worse. So, I do whatever I have to do to make it to the next day and the day after that. I'm still here. And this, or some version of this, is happening to people all over the world, all around you. Are you seeing the signs? Do you know what they are? Do you know what to do? 
Today I was working on my newest project, a social media campaign for a good friend of mine who is trying to grow her Real Estate business. She has a large personal network and is great at her job, but her online presence is all but non-existent. Starting from scratch is proving to be a far more daunting task than I had imagined. With tabs for Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, the website builder, and company portal all open at the same time, I started to feel like I was moving in circles without really accomplishing anything. I got so frustrated at my lack of progress that I put my computer aside and laid down on the couch with my dogs. I fell asleep for a few minutes, woke up, got some tea and sat back down with my computer feeling a little more clear-headed.
I decided to work on today's blog post instead of the social media project for a while, but had no clue what today's topic was going to be. I thought that perhaps if I searched around the internet a bit, read some articles, I might be able to come up with some fresh content for today's blog. Next thing I know, I'm reading an article on life hacker about how lying down can improve brain function. Need a Creative Boost? Try Lying Down: I'm sold. How do you get your brain moving when you hit a block? My Real Estate friend can be found at Albuquerque Homes and Real Estate and on Facebook and Twitter @JaneKnap. | CategoriesAll Blogroll
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